I recently experienced somewhat of an awakening; I don't handle change well. Don't get me wrong, I love trying new things, going new places and meeting new people. But when it comes to my day to day life I have a schedule and a plan and I stick to it. And when anything differentiates from my schedule I panic. I have anxiety and I am prone to anxiety/panic attacks in large groups of people, in new, unknown spaces and when sudden, unexpected changes occur. It came to my attention that I don't handle change well when the gym I go to (every single day) suddenly got ALL new equipment, without notice. At first I didn't see the changes, but something inside of me told me that there was something different about the gym. And it didn't feel good. I had grown so accustomed to how the machines looked and where they were located around the gym that when everything suddenly changed I felt lost and unsafe. Yes, it sounds silly but I have a point I promise. For a few days after the changes I felt uneasy going and working out. I felt like I wasn't supposed to be there because things weren't as I knew they should be. I felt like I couldn't use the new equipment because they were different. It had taken me so long to grow comfortable at the gym and now I felt like I had to start all over. Turns out they just all looked different. Everything is pretty much the same, just some things are in different places.
So I know this tale about the gym is silly but it goes to show that what some might find to be just simple, everyday changes, to others it can be a great ordeal. Moving right along to the big point of all this. The title of this blog post is 'When Things Go Wrong In Recovery'. Obviously you already knew that, as I am assuming you know how to read. While I handled this gym incident better than I could have, there are situations that I don't always handle the best. Situations that stem from what I call spontaneous changes. These changes are so sudden and pop out of no where that a panic/anxiety attack is induced. I want to go over my five steps to handling these situations without letting the eating disorder show its ugly face.
If a sudden change occurs and anxiety and panic take over. You feel out of control, tossed into a pit of chaos. Normally your eating disorder seems like the only way to regain some control. Try this instead.
1. Tell yourself, "This feeling of panic/anxiety/stress/worry/nerves will not last forever."
2. Breath deeply.
3. Pray/meditate.
4. Get out of the space you are in. Go outside. Go for walk/drive. Just get a change of scenery.
5. Distract yourself. Find an outlet of your stress, whether it be art, writing, reading or singing, just to name a few. Just find something.
Always remember to revisit the situation to find resolution, but only when you are calm and in a stable state of mind. Those are just my ideas for getting yourself through negative situations. It's important to find your own process. You're not always going to remember and follow your process every time there's a moment of panic. There are going to be slip ups. Recovery is about recognizing the slip ups, picking yourself up and starting over. And eventually you'll learn to recognize the signs before a slip up happens.
Peace & Love,
The Punk Rock Vegan
