I Can Thank My Eating Disorder For That....

Hi! (WARNING TRIGGERING!!!)

I have A LOT of things that I can thank my eating disorder for. Things like my laxative addiction, anorexia developing into bulimia, my bad relationship with food, my lack of self-confidence and so on...but if it wasn't for my eating disorder (and my constant need to control everything) I would not have found the healthiest way of life for me. I'm talking about veganism.

So how could veganism save my life? And what does my eating disorder have to do with me becoming a vegan? I see it this way, my eating disorder used vegetarianism and then eventually veganism as a way for me to control and limit what I ate. These dietary restrictions gave me the perfect excuse to say "no thank you" when offered something to eat. And it was an acceptable excuse. Being able to decline food with veganism as my reason allowed my eating disorder to take a back seat while tricking me into thinking I was in control. The ED tricked me into believing every time I said "no thanks" I was doing it in the name of veganism and a worthy cause, rather than in the name of starvation and means to kill myself.

So far you probably have a bad view of veganism based on what I'm telling you here but let me continue...

What I am about to say might offend people but it's the truth. Keeping an eating disorder fed rather than feeding your body requires you to be selfish. This is why the ED tries to isolate you from other people, so you feel unsupported and rejected. Eating disorders say it's all about ME ME ME! But here's the switch with veganism. Veganism says it's all about THEM THEM THEM! When you take the focus off yourself and place it on others the eating disorder can't thrive. And that's what I did. I submerged myself into the vegan community and started learning. I wanted to know everything. The good, the bad and the ugly. I learned everything from the horrific, cruel side of the animal agriculture industry and the use of animals in the fashion world, all the way to the positive impact veganism has on the planet. I came to realize that before I liked animals but I didn't care about them. But that changed as my eyes and heart were opened, I began to love them. I began to see that this world is so much bigger than me and my eating disorder.

And as I learned I discovered the health side of veganism and the vegan fitness world. I started to look up to vegan role models and vegans, who just like me, used to struggle with eating disorders and disordered eating. So that ME ME ME chant, turned to THEM THEM THEM and then eventually it became US US US! Which is what veganism is all about; every living thing in the world living together in harmony in a natural and positive way. 

People think veganism is restrictive but it actually taught me how to eat and not just eat, but eat in abundance. Nourishing my body and my mind with healthy, pure and clean nutrients. I learned to feed my body not my eating disorder. This is why when people judge or ridicule me or laugh at me for my veganism it hurts me do deeply. Because without veganism I probably would be dead. 

Yes, I used veganism to feed my ED at the beginning. But then I used veganism to starve my ED.

Thanks for reading. That's it for now.

Peace & Love,

The Punk Rock Vegan